Last week Little Shit was hospitalized with a very nasty UTI and severe constipation. I don't mean a little constipation as in she hasn't pooped for a couple of days, I'm talking 3 enemas required to clean her ass out. We've been dealing with this shit (no pun intended) for more than 2 1/2 years. To put things simply, Little Shit has suffered through 35 UTI's and ongoing bowel problems. We've been through multiple specialists and some procedures. And we still don't have any good fucking answers. My sweet little girl has spent more time on antibiotics than I have in my entire life!
Dickhead, MIL and I were discussing Little Shit's upcoming months of treatment which will include a scope up her rectum and a biopsy. For the procedure the GI specialist is going to put Little Shit out. My fucking MIL smarted off that colonoscopies don't hurt, and she should know because she's had one and they didn't put her out.
Shut the fuck up you stupid fucking twatwaffle troll.
Oh, you had something slipped up your ass and it didn't hurt? Should I infer from that you've had a lot of experience at things getting shoved up your rectal cavity? You want a goddamn cookie? I've had my own colonoscopies. I know how this shit works. You don't remember the insertion because they give you drugs. Not to mention we're talking about a 5 year old kid—her granddaughter!
MIL wants something up her ass...she's going to find my foot planted so far up it she'll be wiping between her shoulder blades when she takes a shit. Her opinion and cuntsicle comments are not appreciated.
If you'd like to read more about Little Shit's issues, read last year's blog post: How fucking dare you!?
My mother-in-law is not amused right now. She's forever trying to refine my kids - probably because they take after me. The toddler said (very proudly) "I just farted, mommy!" MIL said, "Tooted. 'Fart' is not a nice word. Little girls don't say 'fart'." With hands on her hips the little shit looked at my MIL and said very matter-of-factly "It was LOUD, Nana. It was a FART." Score one for the little shit.
Fast forward a few days later...
The mother-in-law is fuming. First we had the whole "toot vs. fart" thing over the weekend where my toddler scored some major (fart) points. Tonight I told the little shit it was bath time so she stripped down naked in the living room and yelled "Nana, can you see my butt crack?!" Luckily I was in the kitchen and able to disguise my loud guffaw with running water and a ill-timed cough. The Dickhead started laughing until his mom started in on how ugly that was and what bad manners my toddler was displaying. Then he started getting on to our toddler. Now hold the fuck up! The little shit was only repeating something she heard one of us say. And I guarantee "butt crack" was a lot less worse than the night before when the MIL said the Dickhead needed a butt plug for all of his tooting. And of course last night the little shit was running around all night saying "butt plug" while Nana cackled. You can't laugh at one thing and get mad at her for the other. Now who's showing some bad behavior?
