Parent of the Year Award...stomp it out!

Little Shit, Baby Shit and I were on the floor where I was reading a book to them. Apparently Baby Shit found the book boring because she got up and started marching around, playing with dolls and doing some more marching. I was focused on reading the book, and the racket she made became that droning noise in the background that parents associate with another child talking but block it out.

Dickhead came out of the kitchen and asked if I was listening to what Baby Shit was saying. Of course not, but I tuned in at that. The droning noise became.... "Sonovabitch! *stomping feet as Baby Shit marched* ...SonnnnovaBITCH! ...Sonovabiiittch!" *stomp stomp*

Dickhead and I stared at one another with our eyes bugging out of our heads. Of course Nana walked in on the loudest "SONOVABITCH!"

I covered my face with the book and tried to smother my giggles. Sonovabiiittch!" *stomp stomp*

Little Shit kept trying to pull the book down and finally asked me if I was laughing because the book was funny. That threw me into a giggling fit.

"Sonovabiiittch!" *stomp stomp*

Dickhead finally distracted Baby Shit and the Sonovabiiittch!" *stomp stomp* train ended. When I lowered the book and uncovered my face Nana was glaring at me. WTF? Like I'm the only one that says 'Son of a bitch!' in our household.

Nana: "Well, she sure does have some colorful language. Just the other day I said 'shit' and who do you think repeated it?" Another glare.

Me: "Well, shit, if you stopped cussing all the damn time maybe my girls wouldn't have the vocabulary of a fucking sailor."

Baby Shit: "SHIT!" Of course that earned me another glare.

In related news, I've already opened my first wine bottle of the day.

Little Shit's swim lesson

Little Shit started swim lessons this week - 2 mornings per week. I wasn't able to go today since I had a conflict with work meetings so Nana took her. Apparently Little Shit was beside herself upset when the instructor was aggressive with her and pulled her into the water. I got a text message play-by-play from Nana who watched from the "parent's room." Once the lesson ended and they were in the car, Nana asked Little Shit how she liked swim lessons. Little Shit replied that she hated it. When Nana asked her why she hated it Little Shit replied, "That crazy bitch pulled me under water and scared the crap out of me, Nana." According to Nana that response startled her and made her jump a curb in her Cadillac. Trying to not flip out over Little Shit's language, Nana asked her why she would say such a thing. Little Shit promptly replied with, "that's what mommy would have said about that crazy bitch!"

....I'm in time out this evening.

I cuss like a fucking lady!

I love to cuss! There. I said it. In case you didn't know before, well, now you do. Asshole. Shitbag, fuckity uppity judgmental twat sitting there with your ankles crossed, your head held high, staring down your nose at my crudeness. Good for you with your boring goody goodness and stupid wholesomeness. I'm sure you're a god dammed riot in the sack. "Oh, Johnny, put it in me. Touch me there...yea, pound my pee hole! Can I hold your love stick?" I hope you like missionary position, because that's the best fucking you're going to get with that boring personality. Meanwhile, Johnny's hiding in the bathroom fist-pumping away to the porn on his smart phone.

I shit you not, it's been tried.

Obviously bad words flow from my mouth like verbal diarrhea. Some have tried to stop the leakage, but they usually throw their hands in the air and walk away in disgust...but not before I've gotten in their heads and mouths and caused them to toss out a few expletives of their own. I'll be honest...that brings me great joy. Knowing I've gotten to someone that way. I love rubbing off on someone - and not just in a sexual way. *wink*

Seriously, why the hell do cuss words bother people so much? Repeat after me: words are words made by man, they have no bearing on life other than the enjoyment they give (me) to say them.

I especially love that word FUCK. I fucking love the shit out of the word "fuck." I'll throw a "fuck" or two into a business meeting like the guys do just to see eyes bulge. Why does it bother people? Because I'm sitting there in my business suit, with my perfectly done hair and my manicured nails, looking like someone that should be sniffing flowers rather rolling in the mud with the boys. Who says it's not lady-like to cuss? I'm a fucking lady, dammit!