Sometimes something will happen and get you to thinking about how far
you’ve come in life. That was the case for me the other day. It had me
reflecting on the differences between my childhood and what I’ve been able to provide
for my own children.
My parents divorced when I was only 1 year old. My mother worked 3 jobs
to support me and my 3 siblings, while my bio-dad moved out of the states and
rarely communicated with us. We lived in
public housing and food stamps kept food in our fridge. When I was 7 my mother married a real piece of
shit, an abusive alcoholic asshole. He could never hold down a job, but my mom
kept working 3 jobs to keep our family going. Everyone seemed to think my
stepdad was a cool man – he could really turn on the charm sometimes. They
would have been shocked to know how often he abused my mother, or beat me and
my youngest sister with belts, fly swatters or even his hands. It leaves a hell
of an impression on a young child to see her 3 year old sister gagged and tied
up in her bedroom just so “daddy” could get some quiet time with another bottle
of beer while mommy was working. Many nights my mom would lock me and my little
sister in our bedroom before the asshole returned from the bar. Her instructions
were always the same, “Don’t come out, no matter what you hear.” She tried to shield
us from the worst of it yet I still saw him hold a shotgun to her head and
throw knives at her. My mother tried many times to leave my stepdad, but it
wasn’t until I was 14 that she was finally successful.
When the asshole was finally out of the picture I started getting into
trouble with the law. Go figure! I got into so much trouble that I spent a
month in juvenile detention and then was removed from my mother’s home at the
age of 15. Luckily, some family members stepped up and took me in so I wouldn’t
be placed in a foster home. This was a major turning point for me. I changed
schools, started participating in school activities and got back on the honor
roll. I began to realize that I had been acting out in all of my anger and
years of pain and frustration. I resolved that I would live a better life and
that one day I would provide an environment for my own kids that would be so
completely different than what I experienced.
I think this was really the start of my “Bitch lifestyle”. It was at
this time that I knew I would never let another person treat me so horribly. It
was when I knew I would always protect those that mattered to me. It was when I
knew I would not become my past. I would do what it took to rise above
everything I had been through.
My adult life has been so different from my childhood. I’m successful
in my career. I have one college degree completed and I’m almost done with
another. I have a great husband and three wonderful daughters who I instill
with my beliefs of being strong, independent and determined women who won’t let
someone kick them down. At the same time I teach them compassion for others. I
give them opportunities to become confident in who they are.
So many people allow their past to become their future. They repeat patterns
and stay with what is familiar to them. It doesn’t have to be this way. What
happened in the past is not who you are in the future. It should shape who you become,
but you have the power to make decisions that will change the course of your
life. I didn’t have an easy childhood, but I don’t use that as an excuse as
others do. I use my past as motivation for my future. You should, too. It’s never
too late to be the person you want to be.
