I haven't posted yet about the Ray Rice "beating the fuck out of his then fiance, now wife" incident, but those of you who've been with me since the early days of this page know how I feel about domestic abuse and the shit stains who put their hands on their spouse, partner or children in anger.
I've watched in amazement and disappointment over the last few days as friends in my newsfeed have blasted Janay, the victim, and said she deserves what she gets since she decided to marry the fuckwad anyway, and she deserves no sympathy.
Wrong. No one ever, let me fucking repeat myself, EVER deserves to be beaten. To be kicked, punched, spat on, mentally, and emotionally broken down until they can see no way out. That kind of ignorance that I saw in my feed of blaming the victim and judging her for being in that situation—yes I call it fucking ignorance—is what allows scum shit like Ray Rice and other abusers to isolate their victims. LOOK at Janay's face in the press conference where Ray Rice apologized for his actions...to the public, but not to Janay. LOOK at the fear on her face.
|AP photo found on WBAL News Radio 1090|
Domestic violence is NEVER ok. I grew up in a home with domestic violence. I watched first hand how my mother tried time and again to leave my stupid sack of shit asshole douchebag stepfather that beat her, me and my little sister, Scrub. I watched that motherfucker throw knives at her, pull a shotgun on her. I watched my baby sister get tied up like a fucking hog and gagged when she was a toddler so "daddy could enjoy his peace and quiet while mommy was gone."
I was there when my mom tried to ask for help and was turned away. By her own fucking family. She married the asshole and needed to learn how to control him. Yeah, how fucked up is that shit? I was there when the police officers wouldn't take her beatings seriously. I was there when my mom would hide her bruises. I was hiding mine along with her. I was there when my mom felt she had no goddamn way out. I was there each time she attempted to leave and got beaten down even more.
Did you know it takes ON AVERAGE seven attempts for an abuse victim to leave their abuser successfully....or wind up dead.
I was there when mom kicked him out for good. I was there when that psychotic fuck came with a knife and gun and cut our fucking phone lines so we couldn't call for help, and he went around trying to break into our house.
Just the other day my mom called to tell me the fucking nut job had died. You know what I felt? After years of wondering if he would catch up with us? After years of avoiding using my maiden name and protecting my identity as much as possible in public forums like social networking sites? I felt RELIEF. Relief for my mother that she wouldn't get anymore surprise phone calls again from him after repeatedly changing numbers...even after getting remarried. Relief he wouldn't some day show up where I live. Relief my kids and my sister and her family were safe. My next thought was "I hope he suffered." I hope he suffered painfully in his death. If there is anyone on this earth that I can honestly say should burn in a hell of lava shit, it's him.
You. don't. know. what a victim has been through emotionally and mentally. Oh, you wouldn't put up with that stuff? Good for you. Have a motherfucking cookie, sit down and shut the fuck up for a moment. Open your eyes to something other than the sheltered fucking world you know.
When I read those statuses judging Janay, blaming her for "her part in this" by staying with a feces covered dick like Ray Rice, I was angry. That fear on her face? I saw it day after day in my own home. I wore that look myself. After taking some time to think about what my friends had written, women I consider kindhearted which made it even harder to swallow the shit they wrote, I knew I needed to break that ignorance they had displayed.
I hope this posts gets through to as many of you reading it as possible. Share it. You don't know who in your newsfeed is dealing with abuse. You think you know what someone else is going through? I guarantee you don't know half of it.
Domestic violence is never okay. Help break the cycle. Don't empower the abuser and isolate the victim.
Resources for victims and survivors: