Scrub, Big Daddy and Little Scrub will be living near me in just a couple of weeks when they leave Texas behind and close on their new house here.
Having their two favorite daughters (I'm the favorite of course, then Scrub, with our oldest sister so far off the favorite chart she's lucky to still be considered part of the damn family), in the same place proved to be too much temptation for our parents. They put their house on the market. Scrub and I weren't worried though. Nah. We thought it would take a while for them to sell since they live in the fucking middle of nowhere. But within a motherfucking month the house had already gone under contract, and the new owner wanting possession ASAP. Cue the anxiety attacks for Scrub and I. Especially for Scrub though. Our parents move here the same weekend Scrub and her family are moving. So what does the Bitch household do? Offer up our house for that weekend so everyone has someplace to stay while they close on a new house, or in our parent's case sign a rental lease.
"Are you out of your goddamn ever loving fucking mind?" yelled Dickhead when I told him.
"Relax" was my response, "That's the weekend of Bestie's baby girl's 1st birthday party. We absolutely can't miss it....so we'll be five hours away while the clusterfuck moving weekend happens. Besides, I'm previewing places for mom and dad so they can sign without seeing it and just move the fuck in."
Dickhead's lightbulb went on as his pea brain processed what that meant. "So, we won't have to help with moving weekend? Not even a little?" At my confirmation he exclaimed "Fucking A!"
That's right Dickhead, fucking A! Sorry Scrub, not sorry.