Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Of course you're going to college!

Tonight while tucking Little Shit and Baby Shit in, my dear Little Shit was rather emotional. Apparently an episode of that fucker Super Why? has been weighing heavily on her mind. Super Why's brother went off to college and the episode was about how Super Why learned to deal with his brother leaving home.

LS: "Mommy, when I grow up I don't want to go to college."

Me: "Don't be silly! Of course you'll go to college."

LS: .... <hyperventilating> "Nooooooo! Mommy!" *cue the wailing* "I...<sob>...don't want...<deep breath>...to leave you.....EVvvvvvveeeerrrr!"

Me: <hyperventilating> Oh dear fucking gawd you've got to be shitting me, this little asshole is not living all of her life at home. "Aww sweetie, that's so cute of you. But seriously, you'll go to college then have a great job and meet someone you'll want to marry and one day have kids."

LS: "I nevvvvveeeer want to marry. Don't make me leave you!"

Me: <mental face palm> "Tell you what, you can live with mommy and daddy all your life. And one day you'll have to take care of us."

LS: <deep breath of relief> "Ok."

Me: "You'll take such good care of us. You'll have to wipe your daddy's ass when he starts wearing diapers, and give him baths because mommy will be too old to do it by that time. You may even need to change my diaper. Can you wipe my ass?"

LS: "No mommy! That's disgusting!"

Me: "Well, I wipe your ass. I do it because you can't right now and because I love you so I won't make you sit in poop. Can you do that for mommy?"

LS: ......"Can someone else do it?"

Me: "Baby Shit, could you wipe mommy's ass and change her diaper?"

BS: "Yessssshh mommy! I wipe your poopy booty! I drink your wine too."

Me: "Baby Shit, you can live with mommy forever."

LS: ......"Whatever. I'm going to find a husband and have babies and HE can wipe THEIR asses. Can I drink all the wine while he does that, mommy?"


That Little Shit, she catches on quick.