Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Thirteen years ago life shit all over me

Tween Shit is no longer! She's 13 muthafuckin' years old now. Bend me over and ass fuck me with a rake because I have a feeling that would be less painful than the upcoming teen years.

13 years ago my crotch fruit sprang forth from my veej. Well, actually she was cut out of my stomach, but you get the idea. 13 years ago my life was forever changed when I brought that sweet little baby that resem...
bled a wrinkled old man home from the hospital...where she projectile vomited and squirted runny shit all over me.

13 years ago + the pregnancy months of which the first trimester was pure hell with horrible morning sickness, my weekends of binge drinking and dancing on the bar tables became me fumbling through the darkened hallway to stuff a sore nipple into the crying asshole's mouth.

13 years of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything. Except now that TEEN Shit has arrived, I question if the parental shit can be reversed. Obviously I can't shove Tween back into my vaginal opening - she didn't rip out of it so there's no way I'd attempt shoving anything like that back up there - but maybe I can be excused from the following years and re-enter when she's graduating college.

Where the fuck is my magic lantern....and no Dickhead, you can't convince me that rubbing your dick will make a genie appear to give me a wish that's granted when his magic juice explodes. That's how I got in this predicament 13 years ago with my ex-asshole.

Happy Birthday, TEEN Shit. Here's to many more awesome fucking memories. Give your dad all the hell. Mmmmkay?

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