Being a bitch is more than reacting to a situation. It is taking charge and laying it out there, honestly and bluntly. OWN it. LIVE it. After all, being a "bitch" is a lifestyle.
Monday, October 21, 2013
I kissed a...boy?..and I liked it
Tween was searching her bag for Chapstick while we drove to meet her
dad. As she applied it she looked at me and said, "I don't think guys
should put Chapstick on in public. It's really disturbing. They need to
do that in private."
This surprised me so I asked why she had a
problem with Chapstick and guys. It's not like we were talking about
guys wearing lip gloss or lipstick. "Well this one guy at daddy's church
applies his Chapstick during service and he's all like <mimics a
loose woman trying to be sexy by applying lipstick>."
busted out laughing and told her that wasn't fair to all guys that one
man's technique grossed her out. The Tween rolled her eyes at me because
I obviously didn't get it.
When we met up with my ex-husband
and were discussing upcoming events for the Tween, she interrupted us
and asked, "Daddy, don't you think guys shouldn't apply Chapstick in
public?" I started laughing at his perplexed look and gave a brief
Then, he looked at the Tween and said, "If a man
wearing Chapstick bothers you then I better not tell you what I did last
night while playing a game with a group of [church] friends." Of course
the Tween perked up at this and, knowing my bible thumping ex and his
hypocritical tendencies, my interest was also piqued.
ex-husband proceeds to tell our daughter that a challenge in the game
was for him to kiss someone else playing, but not his spouse. (What the
hell kind of game were they playing??) Rather than kissing one of the
other women playing and upsetting his own wife, he decided to kiss one
of the guys. The Tweens eyes were bugging out of her head..."OMG DADDY!
You kissed a GUY?!?"
He confirmed he did and then explained he
kissed the guy's neck...near his ear. What. the. fuck? Did he really
think that was better than a quick peck on the lips or the cheek?? A
kiss on the neck is pretty intimate. Then the ex-hole floored the Tween
with, "In hindsight I should have taken the point deduction rather than
do the kiss."
It was obvious this disturbed the Tween because
she pulled me to the side and whispered furiously to me. As we headed
back to the ex-hole I pulled some lip gloss out of my purse and asked if
his boyfriend prefers cherry or mint flavor. The Tween thought it was
funny....the ex not so much.