Being a bitch is more than reacting to a situation. It is taking charge and laying it out there, honestly and bluntly. OWN it. LIVE it. After all, being a "bitch" is a lifestyle.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
After tucking Baby Shit into bed, Little Shit, the Tween and I went to "Boo" 2 houses in the neighborhood.
In case you don't know what it means to "Boo" someone, during the month
of October you sneak up to a house and leave a bag of treats on the
doorstep then ring the doorbell and run like hell.
With my college football team winning today you could say I've done a little (lot) celebrating (drinking)
so I decided to keep to the shadows and let the kids do the tricking.
The people in the 1st house we hit must have been anticipating a booing
(or had been ding-dong-ditched a lot) because the Tween and Little Shit
barely cleared the reach of the porch light when the front door was
thrown open and the dad and 2 kids came barreling outside. The dad
looked around for a few minutes until the kids noticed the bag of
treats. As soon as the front door shut the Tween and Little Shit ran
across the front yard IN THE LIGHT and the dad threw the door back open,
yelling "caught ya little bastards!" My kids froze. Absolutely froze. I
stayed back (sipping my beer), and listened as the Tween thought fast
on her feet and responded to his question of whether or not they were
the culprits. She gave a pretty convincing explanation of why her and
Little Shit happened to be there right at that same moment. And
then....Little Shit started giggling. Then it was full blown laughter.
She looked at the neighbor and blew their cover with "Tween is just
kidding! It was us!!!" More giggles from Little Shit as Tween yelled at
her that she couldn't say that. I took another sip of beer and waited
until the girls joined me.
As we headed to the next house,
both girls talking excitedly about how they just got busted, I heard my
phone beep and checked my text messages..."Did that scare the kids or
what? I thought [Tween] was going to crap herself when she was busted
for lying." Ah yes, it's so much fun when the neighbors play along.