Monday, April 22, 2013

You're a fucking train wreck

Over the weekend I was visiting with a cousin who recently moved in with a new boyfriend while she's waiting to file for a divorce. Can you already smell the train wreck coming? 

While catching up, we were all joking around and my cousin was telling a funny story where the cops showed up. Her first thought when the cops arrived was "oh shit, he (boyfriend) doesn't need this...he's on parole!" I caught the parole slip but hoped she meant probation for traffic violations or something. Since he was standing right there I decided to ask her about it later. 

Before I left we made plans for them to visit me in a month. I mentioned the parole slip to Dickhead who said, "Your cousin probably meant probation. Besides, he seems nice." He seems nice? Hello! So did Ted Bundy!

This morning I pulled up the online public court record for the state my cousin lives in, and searched the boyfriend's name to find multiple cases. On the "no big deal" end of the spectrum there was a divorce and custody modification, plus some speeding tickets. Then...wait for it... a guilty plea for FELON BURGLARY, another guilty plea for FELON FORGERY with 5 years in prison. 

Let me say this as nicely as I can. You're a fucking train wreck.

Are you fucking kidding me? HELL to the FUCK NO, they're not coming to stay at my house. I called Dickhead at work to tell him the news and he told me to come up with an excuse to cancel their visit. An excuse? Fuck that! You can bet your ass I'm telling my cousin "While I normally enjoy having front row tickets to your train wreck of a life, your boyfriend is a FELON. On parole! And you let him move in with you and your kids! Pull your fucking head out of your ass." Knowing she won't listen, I'll watch the rest of the train wreck through her status updates.

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