Thursday, April 18, 2013

Don't fuck with my kid or I'll fart on you

After Principal Douchebag ignored me and taunted me about the Tween's three day In School Suspension (ISS) over spraying fart spray in the school hallway, I scheduled a meeting through his secretary. I arrived a few minutes early for our appointment, but was kept waiting almost thirty damn minutes so the asshole could get off on his continual power trip.

When the cock bag sauntered out with a smirk on his face to introduce himself I stared at him completely unimpressed. "Hi, I'm Doctor Douchebag. You must be Bitch, the Tween's mom." Oh yeah, he stressed "doctor." While the other principals are Mr. or Mrs., he's the only fucktard in the massive middle school that insists on people addressing him as "doctor." Just for the record, anytime some asshole tries to make me feel inferior by inserting his education status (yay for you on getting that doctorate), I will go out of my way to ignore it. "Yes, Mister Douchebag. I'm Bitch. Let's have a chat."

After seating me on the visitor side of his desk, on a student's classroom chair, Mr. Douchebag settled down on his side of the desk and stared down at me. All of the nicety bullshit aside, I was ready to get down to business. I informed Mr. Douchebag that I had read the school's policy on disruptive behavior, detention, ISS and Out of School Suspension (OSS). Based on what the Tween admitted to doing, the punishment was severe. I told him I realized that the punishment has already been served, but my concern is the impact on her school record. During the discussion, Mr. Douchebag admitted the Tween's fart spray incident was just middle school silliness. "Well, gee, let me look in this handbook for discipline of 'silliness.' Hmmm. How about that. I don't see anything. From what you're telling me, at most this is disruptive behavior. And not even serious disruptive behavior. According to the policy, for a first offense, that means one hour of detention. Not THREE days of ISS."

As we debated over the complexity of the policy, which I held in my hand in black and white, Mr. Douchebag confirmed my assessment that he was on a power trip with his "latitude of discretion" in handing out punishment. Hold. the. fuck. up. It's within my latitude of discretion to determine how far your cock sack is going to get shoved inside you when I kick you in the nuts.

When it became increasingly clear that Mr. Douchebag and I were not going to come to a reasonable conclusion to his fucktardedness, I did what any other parent would have done. Without attracting attention, I slide a can of fart spray from my purse and down by my side where I let off one quiet and fucking stinky ass can fart. While the smell permeated the room I kept a straight face, waiting for Mr. Douchebag to acknowledge the skunk-mixed-with-other-road kill stench. With a little gag and "You should see someone about that problem," I dismissed myself from the meeting.


  1. LMFAO! OMG Bitch I love you!

  2. Ive always adored you,but after having to pick up my 5 year old from Preschool yesterday early for the umpteenth time because he's "too advanced, yet socially immature.." and kept him home from that place FULL of fucktards today, i FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! Ive been sitting here throughout last night and today pondering exactly how to approach the Board OF Ed, my noodle's teacher' and their bosses without coming across just as socially immature as my noodle. HA! Who cares.. theyre been fucking with my kid and his first experience to education for far too long and, he hasn't even hit Kindergarten yet.

  3. My kid's assistant principal stresses his 'doctor' too. He's sure something else. If my kid wasnt in elementary, I'd say for sure the same guy!! He laughs and says boys will be boys, all the while handing out iss and oss. With a smile on his face. Yes, doctor. I understand...

  4. I read, bitch, fart, fuck.. and grabbed your ass and threw you in the Royal Reads at the Royal Kingdom. You're our kind of girl!

  5. Hahahahahaha!! OMG! I'm so fucking proud of you!! Damn I wish there had been a spy cam!! You GO, girl!